Why Slowing Down is the Fastest Way to Get Where You’re Going

For most of my life, I've been in such a rush — to create something, to get somewhere, to fix something, to be someone.

What is it about this idea of getting somewhere?

Yes, we have wants and desires. We are creative beings. This is our nature. But I don't believe our nature is to rush and force things to happen.

I believe all things have their timing. You get there when you get there. No amount of force will make it happen faster. Even if you do get there with force, it will fall apart. It won't last.

What endures takes daily, consistent time and attention.

The Being State

I want to share about the being state. I teach men that the first step in creating a vision in your life is the being state.

Another way to think about the being state is your identity — not a "fake it till you make it" identity, but who you are wanting to be.

Be, Do, Have

There are three steps in creating a vision: Be. Do. Have.

Most men skip over the being state and go straight for the do or have. They are so mesmerized by the idea of something that the focus becomes the taking action and the having of the object — be it a car, lots of money, a partner, muscles, etc.

None of these are good or bad. It's where it's coming from that is the real clincher.

If the focus is on the do and have, getting there isn't going to bring the satisfaction you think it will. I've been there so many times I lost count.

Every time I went for something and it was about how I would feel once I had it, or who I would be in the eyes of that person or those around me, what that meant about my social status — it was already set for failure.

The Do and Have Trap

The words that I would use are: "If I had this, my life would be so much easier" or "I would have such a better life if I had $10k more in my bank account, or if I had a partner, or if I had a better car."

The men I coach say things like: "If I was funnier, if I had money, if I had a better job, no one wants to date a guy like me."

These are do and have statements.

When we start from the be, those other two come 10x more effortlessly.

Why the Being State Matters

When the focus is on the be — your identity — it's about who you are at the core. You are this. Nothing can shake it.

This is the trunk of the tree. This is the bedrock of your foundation.

The be is how you want to feel, how you want to move in the world day to day, moment by moment.

If you're currently living your life stressed, anxious, feeling unworthy, feeling disappointed that nothing is going right — you can see why your doing and having might not be hitting the mark. You may still feel lost or empty even though you do and have a lot in your life.

You Can Shift This

It's just what you've been practicing. It's a habit you've gotten into. It just takes time and a commitment to making the shift.

There is no magic pill, and this won't come overnight. It comes with daily practice.

It has taken me 25 years of personal growth to get to a place where I feel proud, confident, at ease, at peace in my body. I take things as they come. I do my best to feel my emotions as they arise and process them through so they don't cause more pain down the line.

I trust life more than ever before.

How to Start Shifting Your Being State

Start by picking five words that you want to live into. You pick your five that you want to embody or live into.

Here are 30 words to start you off. (You can come up with 5 of your own that are empowering)

Confident
Grateful
Peaceful
Resilient
Present
Optimistic
Authentic
Honorable
Courageous
Disciplined
Honest
Reliable
Humble
Proud
Loving
Generous
Protective
Supportive
Respectful
Collaborative
Purposeful
Ambitious
Creative
Wise
Curious
Focused
Healthy
Powerful
Energetic
Grounded

Once you picked your top 5 notice what comes up in your thoughts and your body you when you read these words. Here is you homework for the next week.

Write out each word and how it makes you feel and the thoughts that come up about that word.
Close your eyes and tune into one word at a time, saying it in your minds eye and just allowing the word to resonate in your body. You may not feeling anything at first, you may have a lot of thoughts, just repeat the word and sit with it, do this 4 times with each word. Say it in your minds eye, tune into it and just sit.
Start to notice, what comes up throughout the week as you work with these new being words.

Why This Works

A man who is grateful, reliable, present, purposeful, and grounded will have a very different outcome in his life.

When a an attains the do and have, he will enjoy having it. He will know how to actually appreciate it.

You can see how the way you go about doing and having can shift so much.

Being reorders doing and having so that what you build lasts.

Good luck on this. If you feel called to share your insights with me, I would love to hear them.

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