If you're a man feeling stuck, the problem isn't your goal; it's your approach. You are likely making three hidden mistakes: 1) Waiting for permission, 2) Overthinking the "perfect" next step (analysis paralysis), and 3) Being obsessed with the final outcome.
This article explains why these traps keep you stuck and how to break free by giving yourself permission, taking imperfect action, and focusing on the daily process.
Yo men — if you're feeling stuck right now, you're probably making these 3 mistakes. And the longer you wait to fix them, the more time you're losing. Let's get into it.
Most men are waiting for someone else to say: "Hey, it's okay to go for it."
I did this. I waited and waited. I stalled. I made excuses. Because I was secretly waiting for someone else to validate my desire.
And here's the truth: You are never going to feel "ready." You have to give yourself permission to take the action you want to take.
I waited 20 years to finally say no to real estate and step into coaching.
When I graduated from California State University, Northridge with a degree in Business Marketing my uncles told me it was time to step into the family business of real estate. When my father had passed, my uncles took his money and invested it in real estate for us. I am truly grateful for my uncles and how they took care of us.
But here's the challenge, I really didn't want to go into real estate. I was so much more curious about how we as human beings ticked. I wanted to learn about why we judged and why we were all so different.
Unfortunately, my uncles had a different plan for me.
So I went for it anyway. For the next 20 years I had one foot in and one foot out of real estate. Along the way I kept taking programs in what I really enjoyed, from Tantra, Psychology, NLP, sexuality and much much more.
It wasn't until I lost a lot of money in a few real estate deals that I finally drew the line and gave myself permission to step away from real estate and make coaching my full time gig.
And you know what? I feel free for the first time in 20 years. I am really enjoying what I am creating now and I'm happy to be coaching men and creating a men's community along the way.
The lesson: Stop waiting. Give yourself permission today. Not tomorrow. Today.
This one is poison. I overthought every single step.
And because I was trying to make the "perfect move" — I never actually moved. Analysis paralysis. Research rabbit holes. Planning without execution. So just start. Even if it's one tiny step.
I was very curious about sexuality. I wanted to explore all the different ways people enjoyed themselves. I wanted to explore being with men for a long time, but I had a lot of guilt and shame. I thought there was something wrong with me. I enjoyed being with women and wanted to explore the other side.
I kept pondering how I should go about this. It took me 15 years to finally have the courage to go to gay and bi groups to explore this side of me.
15 years of overthinking. 15 years of "what ifs." 15 years I can't get back.
I am now very open sexually. I enjoy connecting with humans, period. I would like a female partner as my primary and have kids with her, and have male lovers along the way. 🙂
No more overthinking, just knowing and trusting.
The lesson: Imperfect action beats perfect planning every single time.
Men get paralyzed here…
When you focus too much on the end result, you stop taking the next step. You disconnect from the moment. You forget that the actual path is built one small move at a time. The journey is where the momentum lives.
When I started one of my businesses called Paint My Teez in 2015, I was so excited when I first started. But then all of a sudden, I couldn't stop wondering when I would start making money.
I got obsessed with the idea of when the business would make money or at least turn a profit. I got so stressed about that idea that I didn't think about how I was living anymore.
I became over-focused on work. I worked Mon-Sat. I became very skinny and unhealthy. I was so fixated on the outcome that I destroyed my health trying to get there.
I finally had to let go of the business, because it wasn't making enough money to keep it going. The irony? My obsession with the outcome is exactly what killed the business.
I am glad I am doing a new business now where I focus on the day to day. I keep my eye on how I feel throughout the day and trust that I will get to my end goal of having 5 one-on-one clients and a thriving men's community.
The lesson: Fall in love with the daily process. The outcome will take care of itself.
Here's your action plan:
Fall in love with the daily actions — not just the end result.
Q: How do I know if I'm "overthinking" or just "planning"? A: Planning is productive; overthinking is repetitive. Planning results in a schedule or a "next step." Overthinking results in you asking the same "what if" questions over and over with no new action. If you've been "planning" the same thing for a month, it's overthinking.
Q: How can I focus on the "process" when I need the "outcome" to pay my bills? A: This is a practical and important distinction. You don't ignore the outcome (paying bills). Instead, you reverse-engineer it. Ask: "What is the daily process that leads to paying the bills?" It might be "make 10 sales calls" or "send 5 proposals." Then, you make your daily goal to do the process (make the calls) and let the outcome (getting the clients) be the result.
Q: What is the very first, smallest step I can take? A: Write down the one thing you are "waiting for permission" to do. Then, write "I give myself permission to..." on the same piece of paper. That is step one. Step two is telling one person what you are going to do.
